How to Live
by winchester-herondale
Summary: We are capable of eliciting change, even if sometimes the only thing we change is ourselves. -OR- The story of how Castiel found hope and the will to keep fighting and changed the world for the better. High school AU, Destiel Rated for language and implied sexual content. No explicit scenes.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Castiel fell in love with Lawrence the minute he saw it.

The house was shit, paint peeling away, revealing a dirty grey beneath. The roof had shingles missing and upon closer inspection Castiel seemed to be able to see a few of them littering the weedy grass to the side. It looked dusty, dirty and small but it was a house nonetheless. To the left was a house in similar condition – its windows dark and curtains partly withdrawn. The entire street lay in an eerie silence, the only sound the falling footsteps of Castiel and his younger sister Anna as they trudged across the leaf littered driveway.

"The house looks awful", grumbled Anna. Her bright red hair was mussed in the back from the long car ride and she glared at the offending building as if it were to blame for its poor condition. Castiel wished he could repeat her sentiments but he had learned to be more optimistic. He was used to the constant misgivings, the abandonment and poor conditions, and his little sister deserved a happy life and he was determined to give as much of it to her as he could.

Besides, the minute he saw the property, he fell in love.

To the right side of the house, there stood a huge old oak tree, its thick branches towering over the rooftop beside it. In the late November sky, but a few leaves left fluttering in the soft, cool breeze. Someone not long ago had crudely cut a main branch off, probably where it had interfered with the side window. It was beautiful.

He and Anna cautiously proceeded inside, the old floor boards creaking. It was cramped but would probably be plenty of space for the two of them. To the left was a kitchen and the right was a large room Castiel assumed they would share for a bedroom. Anna did not look pleased

.

"Naomi told me I could have my own room." She frowned, her soft pink lips forming a small pout. Anna had always dreamed of having her own, private space. Castiel's heart hurt at the fact that he could not give it to her. He did not even pause at his little sister's use of their mother's first name. Naomi was not their mom – he was simply the woman who gave birth to them. That was it. He sighed.

"It's not your fault Cassie." Anna looked up at him, her eyes bright. Castiel could not tell but it seemed as though she was close to tears.

Moving every few years was hard enough but coming to a house like this amplified the empty feeling. To struggle every day to fit in, finally making a few decent friends, becoming closer – and then suddenly, they were whisked away, to another town to start over. It was inexplicable – their parents did not even live with them and yet they proclaimed it necessary for Castiel and Anna to move when their work took them away. Castiel shook his head to himself. He should not be complaining. Millions all over probably had it much, much harder than him. He should be grateful that he and Anna had a house to themselves to live in. He plastered a smile on him face.

"I'll tell you what.", he proposed. "I'll attach a rod across from these two beams", he said, pointing at two grooves across from each other on the wall close to the ceiling, "and we can put a curtain divider across. That way, when we want two rooms, we can have them and we can take it off whenever you feel like it." He smiled gently, for real this time, at his sister.

Anna tentatively looked back, her eyes softening at her brother's.

"You're the best Cassie." She wrapped her thin, pale arms around Castiel's body and held him tight. He buried his head in her fiery hair and they stood there for several moments, just holding onto each other. All they had was each other.

In that moment, despite the warmth and comfort from the one person in the world he loved, he felt incredibly sad and worried. Anna's arms were thin, too thin. Lack of money had made it so that they never had enough to eat and it was always cheap takeaway. He could feel her ribs poking out against his own. Oh, how he wished he could feed her something better, give her what she deserved. Would they always stumble across life, barely hanging on to the cusp, awaiting a fall? Each place they stayed felt too short and yet like forever. It was worry upon pain upon worry, never ceasing. Castiel could not remember the last time he felt truly happy. He took a deep breath and told himself what he did every time.

Every time Castiel and Anna arrived at a new location (there had been 11) he would tell himself that this would be it. Lawrence would be the place where he met friends who would stick with him, even when he moved. It would be the place he would get a good enough job that he could properly feed and clothe Anna and himself. It would be the place that would be worth fighting to stay at when the inevitable move happened. It would be it.

Even as he tried to convince himself, it felt as fake as he knew it was. There was no reason why the eleventh place should be better than the tenth or the ninth or the eighth or the first. But he hung onto that thought as if it were the only thing keeping him from drifting away into numbness. He hung on dearly, because admit it or not, Castiel was an optimist, a dreamer and believer.


	2. Chapter 1

Castiel and Anna had arrived just at the beginning of Thanksgiving break. Why they could not have come at the beginning of the schoolyear was beyond him. At any rate, Castiel was now enrolled in the local high school as a junior. Across the street was the combined elementary middle school where Anna would begin the third grade. They had a day left before school would resume again.

As he finished up the laundry, he noticed holes in one of Anna's shirts and a tear at the bottom of his only pants. He swore under his breath.

"Anna!" He called out. "Come over – we need to go shopping for new clothes and some other things we need. A moment later, Anna, ever eager to buy news things, appeared. It was nice to see her smile.

"Oh Castiel! Can we get that rod like you said we could?" Castiel had forgotten all about that but he agreed immediately. To be honest, he would probably appreciate a little privacy as well. He ruffled Anna's hair so it stuck up like his own and she swatted his hand away good naturedly.

Outside, it smelled of rain against asphalt. The leaves scattered over the road has been washed so that they sat in soggy piles in the narrow gutters that lined the sidewalks. The oak tree by their house looked grey and old against the dismal sky. He kicked a pebble forwards, walking after it. If he remembered correctly, there was a hardware store a few blocks forward and to the left. He had no clue where to find clothes but he figured they could ask an employee at the hardware store when they stopped. Lawrence was not a large town so they would be just fine walking.

What little sun there had been before was quickly disappearing. Castiel internally swore. He had not thought to bring an umbrella.

Castiel liked the rain. He would have welcomed it, if he did not still have several blocks to walk. So he grabbed Anna's hand, pulling her along as he ran down the road.

The rain rushed down faster as they neared the store but neither sibling seemed to care. They raced behind each other, grabbing hands and laughing, both completely soaked but neither caring. Castiel's heart was thumping in his chest and for the first time in a while he felt happy. It was a good start. Maybe Lawrence would be different after all. He dared to hope, just a little. Only when they finally entered did he realize he was dripping. He winced a little, looking down at his ruining clothes as he stood in the entryway to the hardware store with Anna right behind him. A gentle cough startled him from his reverie and he look up and had to stop himself from gasping.

Tall, tan and a leather jacket that smelled faintly of cigarettes and cologne. The boy in front of him was tan, his body obviously toned. His jeans were slung low on his hipbones and fit his legs with subtle curves. His black AD/DC t-shirt accented his body, showing his muscle yet not in a grotesque way. His legs were bowed and somehow made him even more attractive. _Damn you_ attractive people, thought Castiel. His dick however did not seem to agree. He hadn't even looked at the boy's face and he could feel himself getting half hard. Castiel felt his chest lurch as he glanced up. He had green eyes, so vibrant it was almost unreal. They were flecked with gold sparks, making them look alive and shining. His cheekbones were high and sharp, well defined against his tan skin. His hair was spikey, dirty blonde, in a short cut. His pink lips were pulled in an amused smirk as he looked right back at Castiel. He was easily the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Castiel suddenly found it hard to breathe. A light breeze blowing through the shop from the open door behind him drifted by, the smell of the boy's cologne faintly on it. It made him nauseous – he had never wanted to touch anyone so badly. Castiel wished he could run his hands over his hair, bury his face in the leather jacket and…HOLY FUCK

Not only was that a complete stranger, but he was also staring and practically fantasizing _in front of the dude_. _SNAP OUT OF IT CASTIEL!_ Shouted Castiel to himself internally. He struggled to find words. He wanted to greet the godly employee, say something, but in that awful moment all words and sounds abandoned him. If someone were to kill him at that moment, Castiel did not believe he would have been able to scream.

From behind him, Castiel heard Anna look up and say brightly, "Hi there!". Castiel wanted to hug her at that instant, give her whatever she wanted.

Hot employee smiled at her and bent down to look at her eye to eye. "Hey cutie! My name is Dean. What are you looking for today?"

So he wasn't just hot, he was nice too. Castiel and Anna had just tramped into his shop soaking wet and he hadn't even batted an eyelash. Then Castiel had totally had a onesided eye-fuck session and he was not perturbed. At least he didn't show it. It was completely and utterly unfair how this man seemed to be made as attractive as humanly possible to Castiel. Fucking _unfair_.

Anna seemed to think she had made a new friend and happily grabbed onto his hand, jabbering excitedly about moving, getting new clothes and their idea to make the curtain, all the while dragging Dean around his own store. Castiel followed silently behind and smiled at his little sister. He wished he had her courage when it came to people.

In front of him, Dean was gesturing to various rods.

"We have this one here", he gestured to a thin, copper one as he spoke. "It's probably the most suited for what you have and its sturdy – high quality. Of course, that means it will be a little more expensive though". He set it down again and reached over to the other side of the aisle. "This one would also work, but it's made out of plastic. Not as aesthetic or strong but if it's just for a curtain, it will do the job. Bit less expensive as well. The rest of the products are pretty much varied diameters of these two."

He paused for a minute. "What did you say the length you needed was? We can probably cut it to the right length here for you." He looked expectantly at Castiel.

"The room is a few inches over 11 feet wide. I have the exact measurement written down," he paused, digging in his pocket for the piece of paper. "Ahh yes. 11 feet and 2 ¼ inches. And thank you – that would be a wonderful help." Castiel was proud of himself for not stuttering. Well he thought he hadn't stuttered. Had he? He could not remember.

"He speaks!" exclaimed Dean, looking warmly at Castiel, who promptly blushed and looked down at his shoes. Anna to his left giggled.

"We'll take the plastic one I guess". Castiel gestured towards the shelf but Dean had already walked over and taken it down. Anna seemed to have created a new attachment to Dean and continued to yammer to him, talking about everything from her dolls to school to how she hated her mother. Dean had the grace to simply listen and not comment. Castiel greatly appreciated that.

Castiel silently watched Dean take off his jacket and set it down as he used the machine to cut the rod. He gulped, hopefully not visibly. After cutting it, he looked expectantly at Castiel.

"Would you like me to take this over to your car for you?" He frowned. "You walked didn't you." He said it as a statement, not a question but with no annoyance, as if he had not noticed or minded that Castiel had practically left a trail of water through his store.

Castial sighed. "Yes, we walked. Thank you for the help, you have been very kind." He motioned at Dean that he could take it. But Dean was not satisfied.

"Dude, its pouring. You're going to catch a cold if you walk out there in your t-shirt. Let me drive you. Ash can cover my shift."

To be quite honest, Castiel had not noticed this "Ash". More precisely, he had not noticed that there were other people in the store besides Dean.

"I can't possibly ask that of you. We will be just fine." He spoke firmly. Partly, it was courtesy. Partly it was that he was afraid that he would become too close to Dean. He did not think he would survive with that kind of sexual frustration. No, it was better to leave things simple.

Dean reached over behind the table.

"Here. Take my jacket. You go to Lawrence High right? You can find me tomorrow and return it." Castiel must have looked like a gob smacked fish and Dean chuckled. "Seriously. It's not a bother."

He was ready to decline again but Dean walked over and put it over his shoulders. Castiel felt a shock of electricity go up his arm where Dean had set the jacket on him and he was sure he looked like a tomato. It was painful, excruciatingly painful to have Dean that close to him. Castiel was not used to the feeling and it frightened him. Dean's eyes looked incredibly soft as he smiled and it lit up his whole face. His shirt was tucked a little accidentally in the side of his belt and Castiel felt a sudden urge to pull it out for him.

He sighed again.

"Thank you so much Dean. Your kindness means a lot to me. I am immensely grateful for your aid." He spoke sincerely.

Dean just smiled. "You've done nothing but thank me since you walked into the store. Again, it is my pleasure."

At the cash register, he paid for the rod and turned towards Anna.

"You ready?" He smiled at her. For the second time that day, he felt happy.

He took her hand and lead her out of the doors of Singer Hardware, Anna waving to Dean the entire time. Dean made his heart jump a little. This must be what it feels like to be content with life, he thought. It was amazing that such a brief encounter could make him feel so good, almost wanted. As they turned the street corner, Castiel realized he hadn't even given Dean his name.


End file.
